"Simone Bienne, a sexual therapist based in London, said that interest in bondage and sado masochistic fetishes subconsciously related to a childhood trauma."Yesterdays Daily Telegraph has a short article commenting on the tragic death of MI6 "Spy" Gareth Williams in August 2010. (
Guardian Article) He was the man found dead whilst locked in a large North Face sports bag naked. Initially the case was a complete mystery with only speculation as to the cause or events leading to his death but it seems more information has come to light about his character and lifestyle suggesting the possibility that he was gay and started recently, exploring at least, constricting bondage techniques.
The Telegraph has been swift to conduct some rather shallow analysis of Williams' character. In the article, which can be found
here, Victoria Ward writes,
"The apparent interest in bondage and auto-asphyxiation shown by the MI6 spy Gareth Williams, may have been the only way he could let go of his emotions and feel in control of his life, psychologists believe."
She quotes the views of two sexual therapists, Simone Bienne and Joy Rosendale, who make a sweeping and simplistic analysis of individuals practicing S&M and bondage. Bienne states, "The person tends to feel very guilty when receiving pleasure. But they have the opportunity, by surrendering themselves, to create a scene in which they are fully in control." She goes on, "If they could work through their issues in a normal way, talking to counsellors or using self help books, they would.”
Rosendale's view however is utterly astonishing, suggesting someone who practice S&M would be "“isolated within themselves” and have few social or relationship skills.
“It is often a loner, with an inward or introvert personality...This is their release.”
I must say I strongly disagree with both therapists as I'm sure many of my kinky counterparts would also. Not only was I frustrated at Victoria Ward for writing such a lazy analysis of a highly complex sexual and social issue, I found the generalised conclusions of both so called "experts" to border on stereotypical. It seems a rather tired use of psychoanalytical rhetoric, similar to a time when homosexuality was treated purely as a mental defect caused by underlying issues, often in childhood. I've yet to read any convincing and well researched study backing up these views. Since both women naturally work with those who seek their help, it seems very likely that they simply don't see the side of the BDSM community that is exactly the opposite to the picture they paint. The people who live happy, healthy, kink filled lives not requiring their services and thus, not challenging the stereotypes they suggest. I don't doubt there are those within kink who are affected by childhood traumas or practice an unhealthy sexual appetite that needs guidance but lets keep a level head.
Last weekend, Fetish Week London saw the first pre-drinks gathering of London Rubbermen. Like Manchester Rubbermen and Chicago Rubbermen before it, the London group is designed to bring together rubber guys in the capital. A social gathering extending their geared up fun to more than just sleazy dark rooms (as fucking awesome as they are!).